


Moonlit Confessions

by Ember



Series: A World Reversed [2]
Category: Teen Wolf (TV)
Genre: Angst, Background - Freeform, M/M, continuation of a series, dialog, world building
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2012-12-14
Updated: 2012-12-14
Packaged: 2017-11-21 03:31:48
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Underage
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,763
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/592954
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Ember/pseuds/Ember
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p><i>Even now, even as he visited Laura’s grave, he could not speak those words. All he could do was stare, and imagine her mangled body, ripped in half. A sacrifice to Stiles’ father, half mad with grief, willing to cut down anyone who got in his way. Even the innocent bystander, the questioning woman who knew too much.</i><br/> </p><p>Stiles shares his past as a werewolf with Derek and Stiles' feelings towards the events that led him to become the alpha by killing his own father. A continuation of Young Eyes, Glowing Red.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Moonlit Confessions

**Author's Note:**

> A continuation of [Young Eyes, Glowing Red](http://archiveofourown.org/works/585633) in my [A World Reversed](http://archiveofourown.org/series/31020) series. This is mostly world building and characterization, but it's integral to the rest of the series. Yes, I will write more sex... eventually.

Perhaps the scene should be set. After all, divulging so much information was unusual for both the man and the wolf both. With Derek this would seem obvious, his sour countenance and cryptic glares giving so little away on a daily basis. But Stiles, well, most thought he would be an open book, this easily excitable teenager, all arm flailing and non-stop talking. But he was a closed off too, in so many ways.

It was after they just had sex. Isn’t that always the way? Derek refused to think of it as making love. He felt the term was heavy handed, especially when the physical act could be performed without such feelings of affection. He should know, more than anyone, how true that could be. Odd though, that in their post coital bliss they should go to such a dark topic.

It was a rare quiet night, when there were no monsters to chase or hunters to run from. How did it even start?

“I think about her, sometimes,” said Stiles.

Ah. That was how it started.

“Who?” Derek asked, brushing his hand against Stiles’ hair. The boy was curled around him, head resting on Derek’s chest. Stiles had grown his hair out recently, something that pleased Derek immensely, though he would never admit it aloud.

“Laura,” said Stiles softly.

Derek’s hand stopped.

Stiles didn’t look up when he said, “I’m sorry.”

Derek knew that the Stiles wasn’t talking about bringing the subject up. They had never talked about her before. Laura had been forbidden territory for a long time. But Derek knew, right within those two words, how much guilt Stiles had been holding in for her death.

“It’s not your fault,” Derek muttered. He continued brushing Stiles’ hair, trying to show comfort, acceptance. He had never blamed him.

“I wish I could have stopped it.” Stiles was holding so much back when he said that. He was unusually still, his hands clenching the bed sheet. The forever moving Stiles, laying prone on Derek’s chest. It was an unusual sight.

Derek answered truthfully, because this close Stiles was sure to hear a lie. Derek’s heart would betray him, every time. But he was used to that. He closed his eyes as he said, “So do I.”

Derek wished he could have stopped a lot of things. He wished Laura had told him she was going to Beacon Hills to investigate strange murders. That she had suspected it was the work of a werewolf, perhaps one that was involved in their family’s slaughter. She was halfway right at least. Laura always thought she was so strong. Derek had no doubt that, had she been a werewolf, she would have been an alpha.

Maybe if he had told her about what had happened. So many years, and he still hadn’t found the courage to do the right thing. To tell her that it was his fault, all of it was his fault. He had slept with Kate Argent. He had showed her his home, his family. Let her into his life, only to have her cut it down with fangs and claws. Kate and a rogue pack of omegas, hungry for human flesh and craving the feel of human blood. A festival of murder and chaos on the night of a full moon.

Even now, even as he visited Laura’s grave, he could not speak those words. All he could do was stare and imagine her mangled body ripped in half. A sacrifice to Stiles’ father, half mad with grief, willing to cut down anyone who got in his way. Even the innocent bystander, the questioning woman who knew too much.

“I never told you why he turned me, did I?” Stiles asked, though it wasn’t really a question.

Derek didn’t answer. He allowed his silence to show that he would accept anything that Stiles was willing to tell him. Everything.

Stiles seemed to understand. “It was when my mom was sick. It was bad, real bad. I was still a kid. She was dying, and no one would tell me that she was, but I knew. I cried a lot, got really bad panic attacks at school. Stayed over Scott’s house a lot too. Dad panicked, and that was when strange attacks started happening. Everyone thought it was a mountain lion then too. Ironic, huh? I don’t know how, but he convinced the werewolf to turn him. Turned Mom too, and then he turned me. And we were all happy like that, for awhile.”

Derek knew was was coming next, but didn’t dare interrupt. Not when Stiles was saying so much, opening himself in a way that they both hadn’t dared before.

“And that’s when Dad started putting pieces together. That night, with your family... how everyone said it was an animal attack, how it was too vicious to be people? Dad finally had the missing piece, the way a human could plan it but kill like an animal. And he started making the connection with the Argents, how everyone had always said they were a little off. How they always had a lot of hiking trips, and had family night every full moon. You wouldn’t think people would remember that stuff, but they do. And of course how they moved away right after it happened.”

Stiles voice was getting more pained as he came upon it. His words were rushed, and he seemed to stumble over his own tongue, the words tumbling from his lips. He couldn’t stop now. “And then Kate came and-” Stiles’ voice broke, and he had to take a minute to recollect himself.

Derek moved his hand down, started to rub his thumb in small circles against the back of Stiles’ neck. “Hey, I’m here. I’m here.”

Stiles swallowed hard and closed his eyes. “And when she burned down my house, I didn’t think they would really... I think she put wolfsbane around the house. Or something, some spell, something to keep them inside. And Mom.... and they told me I was lucky that Dad lived, that maybe one day he would recover, but I always thought... There had to be something with that fire, something weird that kept him from healing. Cause he didn’t. I would visit him in the hospital all the time, and he still didn’t. I thought he would never heal. I looked up so many books, and I still couldn’t find anything.”

Derek hadn’t known either. Even when Stiles had dragged him to the hospital, had forced Derek to look upon the boy’s father, the man’s face ruined and burnt. Exclaiming that werewolves had ruined his life as much as Derek’s, had taken away his family as well. Stiles hadn’t cried then, and he wasn’t crying now. It had been at that moment that Derek had known he could trust this broken teenager, forced with so much weight. A pack of his own for far too long.

“You didn’t know,” was all Derek could say.

“I never thought he would do that,” Stiles mumbled, looking lost and alone, even in Derek’s arms. “He was sheriff before your uncle, you know? He had just gotten the job when everything happened. I didn’t think he would kill all those people. I know they were involved in the fire but... Before, he would have never thought murder was the answer.” Stiles was stiff now, tension lining his body. “I thought he would have come to me. Would have told me if he was better again.”

Derek started to rub Stiles’ arm. “He was insane, Stiles. You have to know that.”

“I know, it’s just- the whole time I was trying to defend him from you. Even though he attacked us at the hospital, I still couldn’t believe it. Maybe... sometimes I think that maybe...” Stiles voice sounded so full of pain, of remorse.

“You don’t have to say anything you don’t want to,” Derek murmured.

Stiles shook his head, and for the first time he looked up into Derek’s eyes. “I think that, if he hadn’t killed Laura, I could have forgiven him. For killing the people who burned my Mom alive, for killing Kate, even if it was in front of Allison. Even turning Allison, and turning Lydia during prom, I could have forgiven him all that. But to know that he took away someone so important to you, that he did the same thing that Kate had done to me- to _us_." Stiles voice cracked on the word, and he had to take several calming breaths before continuing, "That was when I knew I had to kill him.”

Stiles hadn’t cried that night, his claws covered in the crimson of his father’s blood. At least not then.

Derek took Stiles’ chin in his hand. “I know, Stiles. I know.”

Stiles shrugged away from the touch, sitting up in bed, the covers draping around his waist. He brought his knees up and folded his arms over them, staring ahead at the white wall of Derek’s apartment. “Sometimes I wonder what it would be like if he came back. You know, sane. I wonder if I could forgive him, if we could be a family again.”

Derek wanted to ask, _you know that’s not possible, right_? But he knew it would come off condescending, as if he was laughing at Stiles’ one wish. Derek knew how much it hurt to think of such things. In a world of magic and werewolves, couldn’t it be possible to bring back Laura? Derek felt he would give anything for that. Who was he to question Stiles’ dreams?

Stiles was quiet a long moment before he quietly asked, “Why won’t you accept the bite?”

Derek didn’t answer at first, surprised by the change of topic. When he did venture to speak he knew that he sounded hesitant. He couldn’t help that. “There’s a lot of reasons, Stiles. I want to stay human, stay who I am. I thought you accepted that.”

“You refuse to go away, and yet you refuse to become the kind of strength I need.” Stiles smirked bitterly, shaking his head. “You’re useless to me right now, you know that, right? A liability, a weakness. Nothing more.”

Derek was startled by Stiles harsh tone. The teen had never seemed bitter about Derek’s decision before. Where was this coming from?

Stiles turned around, and he didn’t look angry. His just looked sad, a stain that refused to leave his eyes. Rejected. “Sometimes, I don’t just wonder if you think I’m a monster. I know.”

Derek couldn’t answer.

**Author's Note:**

> If you would like to follow my updates on tumblr, I have an account [here](http://ember-to-ash.tumblr.com/) solely for that. This won't be used for anything but my fanfictions if you're worried about spam! ^^ I also write prompts and answer questions occasionally.


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